no photos this time

I fucking suck at taking pictures.

Not at photography in general; I’ve taken a few pictures that I think are pretty good in the past.

I just suck at remembering to whip out my camera during family events in particular. I’m too busy sitting back and enjoying the company instead of taking a couple photos!

But, I did have my parents over for dinner last night, and Thomas made some ribs while I rocked a quinoa/spinach salad. Add some garlic mash and a couple bottles of wine, and it was a rocking night!

I also dyed my hair last night. I’m not what colour it ended up as (again!) but it doesn’t look as bad as I imagined I saw in the mirror last night.

Not as blonde as I wanted, but I’m going to let it be for the next 4-6 weeks, then head to a salon and ask them to lighten it for me.

Also, ignore the spot on my forehead. Thanks.

This week is my last week at my current job, before I start my new one next week. It’s also a holiday-shortened week, and my housewarming party on Friday.

In other words, effing busy! I hope I can get all my projects here done before I leave; I really don’t want to leave this company in a poor position. I’m starting to get stressed about it, and I started having teeth dreams again (which is how I knew I was more stressed than I wanted to admit). For the record, I dream about my teeth falling out or breaking out of my mouth when I get stressed. I’ve had a lot of issues with my teeth, and thanks to the crowns I have in the back I know what it feels like to be without teeth (which is how it manifests in my dreams; the feeling is very real). I also grind my teeth at night, and especially when I’m having teeth dreams.

It was the strangest tooth dream to date though, ’cause I wasn’t being careful like i usually am after I realized that my teeth had cracked and come out of my mouth (ughughugh. I hate even typing that!). I just didn’t give a shit that two of my teeth were in my hands. That’s a new twist. There was also no pain.

My subconscious is loving these mixed messages.

the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I had my first consultation with my orthodontist today, at 7:30 a.m.

Aside from the ugly time, it was a good appointment and one that I’m glad I finally stuck to.

As it turns out, I really do need braces. I’m freaking terrified. At the cost, at the pain, and the damage potential to what little I have left of my teeth, all of it.

But I can’t proceed with my other restorative work until the alignment is adjusted on my teeth. I also have an open bite, and in a couple of years may require some jaw surgery to correct it. Yikes, yikes and triple yikes. That’s a huge decision right there, and one I’m not willing to deal with or make just yet. I’ll decide when I need to; they would literally be reconstructing my palate.

From the orthodontist and the dentist I’m seeing, I get the sense that after 2-3 years and a lot of work, I’ll be able to start seeing the smile I’ve always wanted to have. As I said in a previous entry, hearing that from the dentist made me break down into tears: both because the smile I want is within my reach and because it will take a number of years (plural!) to get there.

This orthodontist seems really on the ball, though. I’m glad that I found a place that I like, a person I can trust, and a business that will help me make the finances work. I’m going in on Monday to get some impressions made, so that the doctor can make some mock-up molds of what my teeth and smile may look like after the work is finished.

I’m glad that my fears of braces not being an option for me was put to rest. As much as I don’t want them, I know that they’re the best way to go. But I’ve always been afraid that they’d do more damage than good to my teeth. Turns out, that’s not the case. A simple bonding agent will be added to the front of my teeth, and the brackets will be glued onto that so the enamel would not be damaged further.

It’s just so much information to take in. At 23, I’m going to need braces. Also in my early twenties, my skin decided that it was done with behaving and I’m getting wild breakouts like my friends experienced in their teens.

Add to these facts that I wear glasses and I’m going to be an adult version of a nerd. Full-blown nerdification.

I’m so nervous. I don’t know how I’m going to make this happen, but I know that it does need to happen. I’ve been putting off this dental work for so long, because there was always something in the way: school, moving, grad, something.

Now I’m going to be in the same place for an extended period of time, and so many amazing people working with me to help make this happen.

I’m scared. I’m worried about finances. But I’m ready.

well…crap.

 Tonight got crazy, really really fast.

The diving course that I mentioned I wanted to take that was postponed was turned around and offered again. Problem is, I didn’t receive the email about the change, so I got the phone call as I was sitting on my couch expecting to stay in for the night. I was all set up for a quiet night in: sweatpants, couch, cats, blanket, slippers…then the diving call.

I grabbed half a bagel and some veggies to inhale on the way to the pool, and got there about 45 minutes into the three hour class. Not too shabby, considering I got the call 30 minutes into the class!

It was an interesting experience, for sure. I was the oldest person in the class by a good eight years. Everyone there was born in 1997/1996 (!). To compare, I’m of a different decade. Holy shit.

This was my first indication that the sun may have set on my coaching dreams. The other was when I realized that it may be a more productive use of my time to work on my freelancing aspirations than it would be to coach a few diving classes a week. Sad, but not the end of the world.

The class itself was hilarious, because the boys in the class were in that awkward pubescent stage. We were learning how to spot back jumps (important, because when kids jump backwards sometimes they bend at the waist and lean forward once they’re off the board, which puts them at risk for smacking their chin on the diving board. Not good). To spot back jumps, you need to lean forward and put your hands on the child’s waist or hips, so that when they jump you can gently push them at the hip further out into the pool.

We were practicing this skill on each other. So I had an awkward 15 year old standing in front of me as I was getting ready to jump off the edge of the pool. This means that I was in a bathing suit too, mind you. He refused to look at me (lol) and was barely touching me as he spotted my jump. I probably shouldn’t have, but I found this incredibly amusing, and was making it a point to look him in the eyes. I’m so bad.

So as I said, I’m probably not going to pursue this any further. It’s disappointing, but at least I had the opportunity to explore the option so I don’t feel like that door has been closed on me forever.

Now I can concentrate on freelancing and doing the best possible work I can do for myself and my company. It’s strange to not be in school anymore, and I know that I never want to stop learning. I’m hoping to develop some more skills, for sure! I also want to keep up with my blogging, to keep a record of my life somewhere.